short funny affirmations

A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 130. It doesnt work if it is not open. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 193. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. 62. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. I am constantly growing and improving. I am lazy till I get a motive. Funny positive affirmations do work. 241. 39 funny positive affirmations. 230. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. I make a difference by showing up fully. I honor that time. My mood swings keep life interesting. 206. 2. 234. 1. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Unknown. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 202. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 6. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Good morning! health is important. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Shoot for the moon. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Im not insulting you. The best things in life are free. My liver still works. 212. 205. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 242. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 2. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Effective pushing often involves poop. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Ann Landers "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. How do astronomers organize a party? All you need is love. 113. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. -Katrina Bowden. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. avoid carbs. The only power you have is the word no. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I intend to live forever. Swimming trunks. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. 261. No No NOYes. 125. I can do this. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Rodney Dangerfield. 16. 133. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 18. 89. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Ive been doing nothing for years. 225. Short Funny Affirmations. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Honolulu, its got everything. Groucho Marx. - George Burns. 170. What do I do for a living? Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. 271. Have a look! My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Decomposing. 210. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? I enjoy every minute of it. 154. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I make the right choices every time. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 78. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. I tell you what always catches my eye. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. My jokes do. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. 12. My cankles will hold me. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. Life is becoming easier and less serious. - Roy T. Bennett. - Catherine Pulsifer. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Need to send some positive energy your way? My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. Some when they enter, others when they leave. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Alison Boulter But then again so does . My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 126. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. In between, I am alive. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 2. 76. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Bill Murray, 258. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. 214. You wanna know who Im in love with? You were too lazy to read that number. 1. 43. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 230. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 45. 109. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Best friends eat your food. Lily Tomlin, 242. 100. 1. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. 227. 216. 82. I get up, dress up, and show up. 44. 33. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. 84. 47. 27. Theres no stopping me now. Sam Levenson Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 200. 217. 258. When nothing is going right, go left. Erma Bombeck Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Those who snore always fall asleep first. With a cowculator. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. The rest are too expensive. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 216. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 7. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Happy Birthday.". "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. - Irish Saying. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 61. Build a bridge. 48. 185. 69. 243. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. 186. 253. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. 155. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Send me the link. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. 169. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. If only common sense were more common. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Enjoy! Im like a postage stamp. 146. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 156. 137. Stuart Turner, 247. 116. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. I receive what I believe. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! It makes them so damned mad. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. ~ Bill Gates. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Your words become your actions. 152. Keep your affirmations in the present. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. I tell you what always catches my eye. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. 273. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 229. 117. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 163. 24. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. There are endless opportunities. Funny Friday Quotes. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 139. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. They planet. Art doesnt transform. 6. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 162. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 2. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Sometimes the M is silent. 175. Life always offers you a second chance. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 35. 255. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Find a quiet place without distractions. 70. 143. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Alright, get in the basket. 177. I am so f*cking awesome. 249. 151. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 1. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 269. What is the tallest building in the entire world? What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Exercise? 7. My mistakes dont define me. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Not everyone has good taste. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Flip Wilson 27. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I see the funny side of life more and more. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. 79. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Why is England the wettest country? Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. He who laughs last didnt get it. 13. George Burns, 253. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 238. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Helen Giangregorio. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. Those who snore always fall asleep first. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I just go normal from time to time. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. Its called tomorrow. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. 142. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 1. 1. 1. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Albert Einstein These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. 92. I love my body. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. 8. I am calm, patient and at peace. 56. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 279. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. I am full of vitality. 12. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Ann Landers, 244. Bill Murray A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Things are getting better all the time. Stop playing with me., 6. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Learn sign language, its very handy. 145. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. How do trees access the internet? I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. Milton Berle, 245. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 4. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 123. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 113. Envelope. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 31. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I am intelligent. Ive got three bones. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Because seven ate nine. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. 8. 275. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. 195. Im gonna be worse., 12. "You have to be odd to be number one.". 16. Bill Murray 139. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Paul Ehrlich My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome.

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